Friday, February 24, 2012

Help a Sista Out!

Again I find myself not being able to get something out of my head, a conversation. What to do? Blog about it. But before I expound upon that convo, let me just acknowledge that I know with this undertaking, writing a blog in order to later write a book, I am going to have to be extremely vulnerable, which I admit scares me more than a little. My needed vulnerability on this blog will actually be quite embarrassing. But my fear is not of man.

So, onto my conversation. After church on Sunday, I was talking to an old friend and telling him that I had hopes of writing a book on singleness. He said something to the effect that I probably have lots of fix-up-gone-wrong stories. To his surprise, I told him that I had NEVER been fixed up, EVER. Believe it or not, no one had ever tried to fix me up, which was always disheartening to me. Back years ago as I was attending seminary at SBTS, I worked at Starbucks. One of my co-workers once asked me, "why don't any of your church friends ever try to fix you up with anyone?" I was found speechless. Even the world knows to look out for and set up their single friends. There are very FEW times that the church should EVER take notes from the world, but this time may be one of those. How is it that the world typically does this better than the church?! Back then I also heard an interview between Joshua Harris, Mark Dever, Albert Mohler, and Scott Croft. One of the striking themes of the conversation was Dr. Mohler's challenge to the church to in essence marry off their single girls. Here is the link for that interview. The interview is rather lengthy, but it is full of lots of good stuff.

For me not being fixed up left me wondering if my friends, married or single, thought I wasn't marriage material? And what was the most disheartening of all was that my sister was fixed up by some friends who I had known for years. AND she ended up marrying the guy she was fixed up with. My much younger sister got married, and I felt unwanted and unmarriable (I know, not a real word). That being said I have to praise the Lord for his sovereignty for giving me the perfect husband for me in his perfect timing.

Hold the phone before all you people rush out and start your match-making business. There is wisdom to be found if for no other reason than to avoid unnecessary awkwardness. It is not wise to just invite one single girl and one single guy over for dinner without laying some ground work first. And it is unhelpful to only lay that ground work with the girl. If you follow that path, let me just say AWKWARDNESS. But there are good and helpful ways to go about setting up single friends. Well first of all, you have to know your friends. Some people are perfectly fine or even prefer never being fixed up, and that of course is fine. AGAIN, you have to know your friends. But let me say this. If you have a single girlfriend who is over the age of 30, chances are she'd love for someone to think of her in this way. I bet it would mean the world to her to have her friends help her find a husband. So, the big question...HOW TO DO IT? How to best help your single friends find a mate? Unfortunately I don't have the perfect answer for you. And I readily admit that every situation is different, thus there is no one right way to go about doing this. Sometimes having an apparently random (not really) group of marrieds & singles over to hang out is the best way to go about it. Sometimes it is made easier when you know a guys is interested in a particular girl who you also know is open to possibilities. Shazam! I guess in the midst of lacking a perfect answer, I encourage you to take steps, wise steps but nonetheless steps.

Single GUYS, get on the ball & pursue a girl! Pursue a girl who loves the Lord, who is REAL, and who is right in front of you! AND remember beauty fades, rather quickly I might add. Single GIRLS, so what if he's a little socially awkward. Get over it because underneath all that awkwardness is a potentially a good gift from the Lord! Sometimes the reason we don't have a good gift is because we aren't willing to recognize one standing right in front of us.

Alright y'all, I know this is from a kind of narrowed perspective, mine. But I think the Lord has given me a story to share it as to bring glory to his name. And I really just wanted to bring this up because I don't want any of our dear single sisters out there to feel forgotten about. So, all you married peeps out there, help a sista out!

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