Friday, February 24, 2012

Is Coffe just Coffee?

So, there is probably some sort of blogging etiquette out there that I am bound to break more than once. Today may just be one such occasion. Two blog posts in one day, don't go getting used to it.

My question again is: Is coffee just coffee? Well, I agree with my pastor, Ryan Fullerton, when answered he "coffee" question with a resounding YES. A coffee date between two single believers is just that, a coffee date, nothing more and nothing less.

Let me just admit right up front that I was one of those girls who thought a coffee date was ridiculously more than a coffee date. (This is where that embarrassing vulnerability comes into play.) Yes, I was secretly one of those girls. Now I know that pre-engagement counseling does NOT come after the first coffee date, lol. GIRLS, what a guy means when he says, "Hey, can we have coffee so I can get to know you a little better" is "Hey, can we have coffee so I can get to know you a little better." He does NOT mean, "Will you marry me?". GUYS, when she says yes, "that does not mean she wants to marry you. It means she's willing to have coffee with you once." Thank you, Pastor Ryan!

I think in our excitement for ourselves or our friends, we prematurely travel down a road that has not been paved yet. And we do this to our own or our friend's detriment. We all need to slow our roll. Just recently a very dear sweet friend of mine was asked out for coffee. I had prayed daily for this friend during my own engagement. I prayed that the Lord would quickly provide her with a husband. I love her dearly and in my excitement, my husband and I pretty much had her walking down the isle at least in our own minds and conversations with each other. We, I, NEED TO SLOW OUR ROLL especially for the sake of my dear friend's heart.

This post is actually ironic in the light of my last post, which was meant to encourage married people to start thinking about wisely match making within their churches. Obviously I'm all for match making, but I am also for tempering our passion with a little reality and wisdom lest we scare a brother to death and harm a sister's heart. Without tempering our passion, all of this can lead to what Pastor Ryan calls a "consensus that leads to paralysis."

So just because a guy and girl have agreed to a coffee date once or maybe even twice does not an engaged couple make. Please let us (me) use even a modicum of wisdom in the midst of excitement over a coffee date.

Here's a link to Pastor Ryan's sermon where he so perfectly expounds upon this issue as well as others. The sermon is simply labeled 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Part 2 (1 Timothy 5:1-2) .


  1. are growing! With this rate the book will come sooner than expected.

    Coffee is not just coffee for us girls...really. Coffee as you have stated above means something more to a girl, it means 'he likes me'. Sounds crazy huh? But thats how majority of us translate this lil' gestures even subconsciously.

    My Pastor insists on the guy seeing him and stating his intentions about taking a girl for coffee before he does that, so when a guy asks for a coffee date, I send him to the pastor first...just to guard my heart.

    1. I definitely understand where you're coming from, Tat, but I also think that is also part of the problem. Why can't a guy ask a girl for coffee without it meaning that he wasn't to get engaged to her?! And I'm not talking about a series of coffee dates or dinner dates. I'm talking about 1 or 2 at the most. Granted he should only be asking based on intentionally getting to know her for future possibilities. But what if he asks because he is interested, but then after 1 or 2 coffee dates feels the Lord is leading him in a different direction, what is so wrong with that? He did absolutely nothing wrong. If we set up a system in which a guy can't ask unless or until he is ready to make a commitment, then guys will be "paralyzed" and take no action at all. So, of course there is a need for wisdom & deliberation, but I truly think coffee is JUST coffee.

    2. I hear you has just to be coffee but the decision has to come from us girls, coz we are the ones who complicate issues. I read you.

    3. Truer words have not been spoke! We so complicate things.